EXTERNAL DELIVERY - The Glamour of Air Travel

I have been traveling by air for all of my business life, and throughout the years, I have been both a victim of and a witness to a certain group of people who make flying for everyone a test of patience and withstanding pain. Being there are many pharma professionals flying to the countless conferences going on nationally and internationally, I believe this topic will be a nice change of pace outside the normal topics I cover. Let me provide you with a few examples of what I am talking about.

The Leaner – When you see someone at the ticket or boarding gate counter, you must check their posture. If the person is standing up straight, then you can be assured they will be quick to resolve their issue. But if the person has their feet three feet back from the counter, has a 30 degree tilt into the counter, and has their forearms parallel to each other on top of the counter, you can be assured of a long wait.

The Head Hunter – The victims of the head hunter are only those people occupying aisle seats. The head hunter carries their back pack or some other piece of luggage over their shoulder and while walking down the aisle slams the piece of luggage into the heads of the people already sitting in an aisle seat.

The Overhead Person – These people bring a roller bag on board and place it in the overhead with the wheels facing out and is 6 inches too long for the overhead. After three or four violent slams of the overhead door and expecting the bag to miraculously fit, they give up and retreat to their seat. Then the argument begins with the flight attendant over whether this bag is going to be checked.

The Jeweler – These people are a Mr. T imitator who attempt to clear TSA Security wearing 25 pounds of necklaces and is shocked they set off the alarm of the metal detector machine. Then they hold up the line while taking off the jewelry one item at a time. Then, when they attempt to clear the metal detector for a second time, the alarm goes off again because of all the metal they still have in their pockets. And don’t forget the belt that looks like it was designed by Hulk Hogan modeled after his WWF Championship belt.

The Armrest Barrier – These people are too large for one coach seat so they raise the arm rest separating you and them so that they can share your seat with you. When you attempt to lower the arm rest, these people jam their leg under the arm rest to block it from coming down. Then the fight begins.

My Seat is a Chaise Lounge – These people always fly with their seat back fully reclined from the moment the wheels leave the runway to just before landing. This configuration means that you cannot open your laptop on your tray table because the seat in front of you is too far back. This also prohibits you from placing a drink or a meal on your tray table for the same reason. When you politely ask the person in front of you to please move their seat back up a little bit, the person will normally refuse, so you start tapping your foot on their seat back in order to annoy that person.

The Food Critic – These are people who complain loudly about the meal that is being served. They will always involve a flight attendant or two and look for fellow passengers to join the fray as well. What they fail to understand is they are not in a restaurant. They are in a modern mode of transportation whose objective is to move people at a very high rate of speed delivering its passengers safely. IT’S NOT A RESTAURANT!!!!! IT’S AN AIRPLANE!!!!!

The Bartender – These people bring their own alcohol on board. As most everyone knows, this is a real no-no on an airplane. I sat next to the bartender on a recent flight. When the flight attendant stopped by with her beverage cart, the bartender ordered a can of ginger ale. When the flight attendant departed, out came the bartender’s flask, and he made a full pour into his plastic cup and then topped it off with the ginger ale. He offered me a shot in my coffee, but I politely declined as 7:30 AM is a tad early for me. I actually liked the bartender. We had a lengthy conversation, and his bartending talent was on display in the seat next to me.

I know that there are more travel devils out there but we must retain our composure and deal with them as best we can. Bon Voyage! 

John A. Bermingham is former Executive Vice President & COO of 1st Light Energy& Conservation Lighting, Inc. and former Co-President and COO of AgraTech, a biotech enterprise. He was also President & CEO of Cord Crafts, LLC; President& CEO of Alco Consumer Products, Inc., Lang Holdings, Inc., and President, Chairman, and CEO of Ampad, all of which he turned around and successfully sold. With more than 20 years of turnaround experience, he also held the positions of Chairman, President, and CEO of Centis, Inc., Smith Corona, Corporation, and Rolodex Corporation as well as turning around several business units of AT&T Consumer Products Group and served as the EVP of the Electronics Group, and President of the Magnetic Products Group, Sony Corporation of America.